You Do Not Have To Provide Explanations

You do not have to give explanations. According to the method of cognitive psychology, it is healthy for our mental well-being not always to have to justify to others what we do, think or choose in our daily lives.

You are the person who knows yourself best. You know what is best for yourself and you know how to act in accordance with your own principles and values.

No one has the right to demand explanations from you. You do not have to justify your choices – as long as they do not go beyond other people.

Unfortunately, there are many out there who feel that others owe them explanations. There are also many who feel that they do not have the right to make a choice until they have justified it to everyone else around them.

Let’s think a little about how toxic it can be.

When explanations become a habit

It can be difficult to find a healthy balance between when to explain your choices and when not to. For example, if you have not been home for three days, your boyfriend quite understandably needs to know where you were and whether you are okay. But in most other normal situations, you do not have to explain yourself.

• Explanations are needed in uncertain, unusual, or painful situations.
• On the other hand, it is unhealthy to have to justify everything all the time.

The problem with explanations lies in the type of communication that you establish. If the dialogue is constructive and empathetic, communication flows freely with understanding.

But in many cases, others may assume that they know better what you need or want than you do. It may seem like they are listening to you, but in reality, they have already drawn their own conclusion about you.

• Try to break the habit. Do not automatically explain everything.
• Explanations are only necessary if a concrete, unusual situation so requires.
• If the situation requires you to give an explanation, the tone should still be open, democratic and respectful.

Situations where you should never give explanations

Sometimes it can be difficult to find the right balance. Sometimes family, boyfriends and friends expect explanations that you do not necessarily feel like giving.

Here is a list of situations where you are not required to explain yourself:

Your priorities in life

What is important to you only concerns you. If your biggest passion is traveling, there are many who will not be able to understand why you save year-round instead of buying a new washing machine or a new car. You do not have to justify anything, and if you do, then do it only once.

The status of your relationship

Why do not you have a partner? Haven’t had children yet? Your partner is a little on the quiet side, is he not? Why not move closer to your family?

You are guaranteed to have heard some of these questions before. People often ask out of innocent curiosity, but it can be things that are unpleasant to have to justify. Explain to them in a friendly way that you do not feel like talking about it. Where your relationship is only concerns you, and it is not up to others to push you in one direction or another.

Your beliefs or values

A good societal debate is usually healthy. But at the same time, you have the right to draw your own conclusions and have your own opinion. Religion, spirituality or the lack of the same is a private matter – except if you want to discuss it yourself, of course.

• Others should accept your personal choices as long as they do not go beyond other people.
• Acceptance is the only way we can all live together peacefully.

Live your life freely, be true to your values, show respect and be happy with everything you have achieved along the way.